Being or not a writer

I had a great exchange with a friend some days ago, one of the questions we talked about was "what exactly makes someone a writer?". A friend of mine told me some time ago that if I wrote, I shouldn't be ashamed to call myself an author or a writer, as I was de facto one. But time and time again I find myself going back to this question and I can't really agree with this answer.

To me, being a writer is a job. With it comes obligations, expectations. If people love your books, you have to write more. If you want to live through your art, your books have to be likeable, to reach an audience, to be propelled and marketed. Sure it comes from the heart and like a lot of things it's an art, but personally, taking the author mantel is akin to agree to a job position.

I don't write to be recognised, even this blog isn't there for that. I write because I need things to get out of my head, to lay what I feel on (digital) paper. Because doing so makes me feel relieved, lighter. If this resonates with other people, it's great and will always be a way to exchange, to discover others.

At its core, how I write is mainly a tool for me to lighten my mind. Hence why, while I love science fiction and fantasy books, my two books were in the auto-fiction genre. Therefore I would never be able to turn writing into a job I think, I couldn't deal with my relieving tool turning slowly into an obligation, to have expectations resting on my shoulders, people waiting for me.

Writing frees me, it soothe my mind and help me to deal with the world and events happening in my life. And I hope with all my heart I'll never turn it into a job.